Manic Panic Bondage Fest

After a few months of on again off again dating or "seeing" guys at this point in my teenage life I decided to give it a rest... until...

October 14, 1996 ( yeah a month later)
Wow a month has passed since I last wrote. Deb and Jack are still together. Awwe! Love Birds!
I'm going to Europe Next year (since I joined Europe club).
I met this guy shocked? the other day at work at Spencers. He has flamng red hair (Manic Panic Helps). He's a really nice guy. We ( Me, Deb, He) hung out Sunday night in the parking lot after work. We're going to the movies on Friday. Me & Deb SWEAR we've met him before or someone who looks like him , anyhow but we can't figure it out. Anyhow, I'm loking forward to our date. His name's Jim btw.
Ok , So I went out with Lou's brother , James, a few weeks ago apparently I wasn't even single a whole month and I heard if he doeesn't get some action he basically dumps the girl anyhow. So I got rid of him and kicked him to the curb. Plus, he's too shy and Jim is very much more my type of guy. I don't know what it is about him but there's something. I can't see just yet what it is but, it's a good thing I feel and sense. I think we'll hit it off! I HOPE!
Oh, Brett called yesterday but I wasn't home so we didn't get to chat.. oh wellz.
Gotta Jet , Jim's supposed to call me soon!
-R.C.

Sunday, October 20, 1996

WOW, Just WOW! Last night, Me, Jim, Deb, and Jim's bud Joe went to Chili's for dinner & out to the coffee shoppe. Jim is so nice. He's been to see me everyday at work and today he even bought me a book from a favorite author; autographed to me - Kostantinos.
I can't believe him. He;s the greatest guy I've ever met, truly. He treats me like a Queen of the Night. We're going out this Friday Night since last Friday I was grounded. I don;t remember why I was grounded but prolly for lieing or ditching class because to me school was lame and easy ( GIFTED STUDENT HERE) In a couple of weeks we're going somewhere but he won't tell me where... I'm excited! Oh yeah! lamost forgot .. S and B are getting together... yay!
Gotta go to Bed...
-R. C.


And with this.. love was born.... wait until you hear what happened next ..... adieu!

Means to an Ends to a Beginning

June 10, 1996
Today was the last full day of school ( Sophomore year) and only 4 1/2 days left until school's out. Last night I talked to Cas on the phone. he;s going to find a car today so he'll have one before his parents leave for the weekend. It will be kewl cuz then we could go places * hang out together at the house. This Friday we're going to Oceanside Who was I kidding? we practically all three lived there every week surfing and skimboarding.... not prime GOTH territory but hey, live a little.

Anyhow, I don't understand what's so interesting about my diary that Cas wants to read it. Oh well, but if my sister Nic gets a hold of it I'm dead meat! Cant wait until we get to spend some time alone. It's been miserable . What the hell did I know about misery? I was 16... Damn Boys!

Gotta Run! Bedtime and phone time.
-R.C.

July 2, 1996

A lot has happened since school got out. I am staying ( living) at Aunt Y's and Uncle R's this summer to work. I got a Job at Spencer's Gifts in M.C. Mall. The only bad thing is I'm really far away from my friends and Cas. He;s got a bug now so we can go places. I hope to get a car by middle of summer.
I'm leaving tomorrow night to go to N. Carolina to visit some of Papa's family. I'm going with Gram, Papa and Aunt Yv for 10 days. We're driving! I'm really going to miss Cas. Last night I had a bad nightmare. This chick was all over him and stuff. It wasn't cool at all. He can trust I won't cheat on him and I THINK he won't cheat on me . Come to find out , he was ...

August 20, 1996

Haven't heard from Cas in 2 weeks. I wonder if he's back from Mexico yet. These kids, were the days before internet and cell phones! but I heard from Brett yesterday. It was odd. He wants to see me n stuff. We were best buds until he was put in Juvy . He's getting out in Jan '97.

Anyhow next week we're going on vacation to Laughlin. Me, Aunt and Uncle, Amber and my neighbors are all going, It will be fun. Waverunning was my other non-Goth passion in the warm summers.

School starts Sept. 4th. It's two weeks away. That sux!
- R. C.

September 8, 1996
Well, me and Cas broke up 2 days ago. 4 1/2 months we went out for. I guess it's for the best but I do miss it. I think I'll live though.
THE CURE RULES!
- R. C.
PS: School started yesterday. It was ok. This year will certainly be a challenge for me. :)

Beatles, Mexico, and New Loves

June 6, 1996

Well, I never got to go to my Aunt's house a few weekends ago because I got busted. I got caught ditching school and got in a fight with the Step Monster. ( Oddly enough, the Principal who busted me is now my co-worker at a school I work at .. HAHA! and YES I reminded him about busting me.) So basically I am screwed. Cassidy's car got stolen a couple days ago and they found the guy but its totally thrashed and un driveable. His mom wont get him a new car either and it sucks cuz then he has to walk back and forth to work everyday. We've been spending a lot of time at his house since he doesn't have a car.
Today Deb was crying cuz it was her last day with all of us at school. They graduate next Thursday.

It really sucks being grounded and my weekend is fuct! But next weekend we are going to the beach so hopefully that will make up for it. ~R.C.

June 10, 1996
Today was the last full day of school. Only 4 more 1/2 days left until school's out. Last night I talked to Cassidy on the phone. He's going to try to find a car before his parents leave for vacation. That will be cool cuz then we can all go hang out and stuff this summer. This Friday we're going to Oceanside to go surfing. I really suck at surfing so I think I will leave it to the guys. I don't understand what's so interesting about my diary that Cassidy wants to read it but oh well! I don't care if he reads it but if Nicole ( my sister) gets ahold of it, I'm dead meat! ~R.C.

July 2, 1996
A lot has happened since school got out. I am living with my Aunt and Uncle now. I got a job at Spencer Gifts at the Mall. The only bad thing is I'm really far away from Cassidy and my friends. He has a bug now so at least he has a car. I hope to get a car by mid summer. I am leaving tomorrow to go to North Carolina with my Aunt, Grandma and Papa. Last night I had bad nightmares that Cassidy and Scott got in an accident when I was away and some chick was all over Cassidy. I hope I can trust him when I am gone from the house. ~R.C.

* I cant believe I didn't write more about North Carolina. Well, after 14 years have passed I remember we stayed at Jerry's house, I played pool a lot, went swimming in the sound, we had tomatoes with our breakfast and went to buy fresh sausage from the butcher before we left to come home. I also remember my Papa got pulled over by the cops when we got there because he was so tired he was swerving on the road. We took 2 days to drive there and it was neat to see the country. I could hardly keep my eyes open though. I also remember the southern BBQ place we went to Simps BBQ and how their BBQ was awesome. I think they maranated it in Vinegar or something and they gave me a bottle of pepsi in a glass bottle. It was really awesome to see the Greveyards. I tried to sneak off to read the tombstones when they made me go to the cemetary with them but my Aunt kinda yelled at me for it. I just wanted to see how old they were...*

August 20, 1996
I haven't heard from Cassidy in 2 weeks. I wonder if he's back from Mexico yet ( He was hanging out with some chick there , I found out later on ). I have been hearing from Brett lately. He wants to see me and stuff. He was always one of my best buds until he got put into Juvy. He's getting out in Jan '97. ( Yet another felon I chose to associate with , I think he was a step cousin or something but whatever he was a felon). Next week we're going on Vacation in Laughlin.
Our Neighbors are my cousin Amber are going with us too. Also, Nancy and her husband. It will be fun riding the waverunners! School starts in 2 weeks on Sept. 4. That really Sucks! ~R.C.

September 5, 1996
Cassidy and me broke up 2 days ago. 4 and a half months we went out for. I guess its for the best but I miss him. I think I'll live though. THE CURE RULES! ~R.C.
PS: School started yesterday. It was ok. This year will certainly be a challenge for me.

*This is the point when my blog goes from Teenage heart throb seeker to Permanency*
The next blog is all about when my life changed for the better and still has continued to do so...

Surfing, Sex Wax, and the Jesus Lizard

April 23, 1996

Ok So I havent written in over a month WOW! Ok I have a lot to say. Me and Jack broke up about a month ago. Easter day Jack asked Deb out and now they're together. It's cool but kinda weird. My best friend and Ex are now dating .. its ok as long as we're all still friends. :) Anyways, I like this guy , a surfer guy , named Cassidy. I don't really know him since hes kinda new to our school but I have time to get to. He seems cool anyhow. I am going to invite him this Sat to UCR to see Buck-O-9 and some other new bands for Spring Splash. It will be cool.
Well I guess that's all for now... Love, R.C.

( I guess I didn't have much to say after all)

April 27, 1996

Yesterday, Friday, I went with Scott, Cassidy, and this guy Josh to Oceanside Beach. Afterwards, he came over and hung out until Midnight. I invited him to a concert, but he has to go to a wedding or some lame stuff like that. BUMMER! He's really nice and has a nice Surfer body ( #NSFW) Well, Scott put in the CD " Friday I'm in Love" and I know he did it on purpose to make me laugh. Thats ok I still Love him like a best friend should. I gotta go to the UCR concert today in a while. I'm excited. I also have to call Cassidy to find out if he wants me to go to the beach Sunday again. He's soo cool.
Ok I gotta go get ready ~ R.C.

May 2, 1996
We started Flag practice again. It rules now! Yesterday night, Cassidy called and asked me out. HeHe! I like him a lot and hes a great kisser. ( I must've kissed a lot of guys when I was younger cuz I don't remember this) We're going to the movies next weekend to see " The Craft." He's also going to try to go to LA with us to the Whiskey to see " Trinity" play.
The UCR concert ruled! I was Skankin' to Buck-0-9 and some other bands.
Tomorrow, Me, Deb and Samantha are going to kick this chicks ass for messing with Matt. It'll be awesome. * Kindred Rules!*~ R. C.

May 17, 1996
Me and Cassidy are still dating. He's a really sweet guy. We're going back to the beach Sunday to go Surfing. Last weekend we went to see " The Craft". It was Rad. We didnt get to go a week ago to LA to the Whiskey because Cassidy got busted for something stupid. I felt really sorry for him, but I didn't have a ride to LA so I couldn't go. Oh, Phone's Ringing Bye ~ R.C.

May 21, 1996
Today was cool! Me and Scott got off Campus to go to lunch with Cassidy. But he didn't end up hanging with us because his mom came out and went with him . Sooo me and Scott went to McDonalds and saw Deb there. We didn't want to go back to school so we went to the mall instead and made it back ( with 2 minutes to spare) in time to go home on the bus. Scott swore he was going to get busted, but he didn't. It was fun.
Sunday we all three went to the beach; me, Scott, Cass. The guys were eating surf wax and we were talking about the Jesus Lizard story. Then we buried Cassidy's sandals in the sand ( Scott did it!) and went to Pizza Hut and jacked some pepper shakers for our collection. They're crazy but I guess I am too cuz I am always hanging around them. They're my best friends for guys and all. After the Beach, we went back to Scott's house and jumped in the Spa. It was hot!
This sucks! Tomorrow is the last I am going to see Scott or Cassidy for a whole week. The Punks are going to the River without me!
Anyhow, I am going to leave for the weekend and go to my Aunt's house. I think we are going to Vegas or something. Well I gotta go get ready ~ R. C.

Boy NEXT! Boy NEXT! Boy NEXT! Oh wait come back!

This is where it starts getting interesting... We are not onto the months of February - April. I think I had Spring Fever or something from the looks of it... read on to find out...

February 6, 1996
Talked to "Jack" Friday but he didn't mention anything about our "relationship" so I left it alone. (WTF was I thinking at this point?) "J.R." and I are getting closer! YES! But I'm still not sure about him. He seems immature. (Yes, yes he was.) "Steve" is a really sweet guy. I had my hair curled today and he said it looked beautiful. How sweet huh? Tomorrow I have to stay after school until 8pm for A.P. Biology. Thursday we're going to Griffith Observatory and Fat Burger in Los Angeles. (Yes, this was my first experience with the best burger I've ever eaten - then) Second semester the stupid skool fuct up my classes. Now it's a hassle to change them back. Oh well!
Sunday is my (Sweet 16 ) Birthday Party. I invited "Debby" and "Billy" (and "Dan"). Billy probably won't show up but oh well. I would invite "Jack" but he'll have some excuse not to show up as usual . Saturday is my Birthday #16!!!
(For some reason I was seeing Jack but I must've been dating Dan or interested in him at this point because he showed up to my party and is in some of my pictures.. I can't recall exactly but ... let's get to the next post eh?) ~ R.C.

February 23, 1996
It's been a while since I've written. Me and "Jack" broke up b-4 Valentine's Day. He was pist but it was his fault. I'm going with a guy named "Dan" now. He's truly a sweet guy. He respects me and treats me like a Queen. (He really didn't but somehow I thought he did.. can you say REBOUND?)
Tomorrow Me and Debby are going to work at Spencer's Gifts at the Tyler Mall (Ohh man I remember this , it's going to get good soon) from about 4-11pm. I'm gonna spend the night at her house. (We didn't end up spending it just with each other - no no no lesbo action you pervs! ...) We might go do something tonight but I have no $money$ so I don't know yet. I miss Dan.
(I remember he was in Firefighter academy and working so it was not often we saw each other) I hope he gets off work soon and comes over. Nicole ( my sister) is going out with his little brother Josh. (OMG I remember this kid) It's so cute. I see myself in her.
Bye for Now- R.C.

**** Caution! CAUTION! Don't say I didn't warn you *********

February 25, 1996
Yesterday was the greatest day of all time. Me and Debby worked at Spencers (doing Inventory). "James" brought a couple of his friends. One was named "Marc" and he was FIINE! After work about 12 pm we all went back to Debby's house until about 3am the next morning. (I remember her mom didn't like the fact that we were in her room with two boys.. sorry Mom!)
(NSFW) Marc and I ended up making out and he picked me up and kissed me for a looong time and we talked and kissed for what seemed like hours. (Umm wasn't I dating Dan? Dayum Gina!) He lives down the street from my aunt and uncle. I'm going to call it off with Dan anyhow because I like messing around. Oh yeah, the only trouble is that Marc has a girlfriend... .oh well .... Later . PS: Dan's an ass! ~R.C.
(Little did I know Marc also had a criminal record and would NOT be a great choice ... stupid teenage goth girl)

March 6, 1996
Haven't heard a thing from Marc yet. I think we're just going to have to be friends for now. Me and Dan are still together. I'm going to work at UCR this summer. I'm also applying for a job in Washington D.C. to be a Paige (gopher) for the Republican Party. I'd get about $700 a month and get to go to school there my Junior Year. (It was for Sonny Bono) We get to live in a Dorm and everyhing. Its Kewl!
This Saturday Me and Debby are going to a competition at Poly HS. We aren't performing though. Flags is now part of cheer and we have to talk to the advisor about it all. I hope it is a success. L8R ~ R.C.

March 11, 1996
Dan and I broke up last Thursday (I see a pattern now ... boys boys boys boys ... ha!) It's alright. I really don't have feelings for him anyhow. Last weekend was a BLAST! Me and Deb were hanging out everyday. I'm Exhausted! Friday night we went to the Wheelhouse in Hemet to go skating. We took Matt, Jack, & Steve S. We met Steve C. there. deb got pissed cuz he was hanging on some chick. Me and Jack were giving off "love" signals (HAHHAHAHA This makes me laugh) to one another on and off all night. When we were driving home he was sitting behind me and massaging my back. That shit felt good. I was remembering the good times we had and he wrote " I love you" on my back with his finger. After we got back to Deb's house he said he wanted to talk and that he loved and missed me and wanted another chance. (I guess I said yes)

Saturday Me and Deb went to Poly to watch the Competition. She was talking to some guy from Yucaipa but he wasn't all that cute. He was alright I guess.
Sunday Ruled! Me, Deb, Matt, Jack, Todd , Samantha and Deb's Dad went to the Ortega Water Falls in the big purple hippie bus we took for competition. Everyone was like " cool" when they saw us coming. It was really peaceful. At one of the falls Jack held me in his arms and told me he loved me. I knew he did. It was really romantic; picture perfect. Us, the water fall, the surroundings .. it was serene. Anyhow Deb and I ended up going on a little journey and found a secluded hideaway. Like a huge open area by a stream surrounded by a huge canopy of trees. It was awesome!
Anyhow me and Jack are back together. <3 ~R.C.



*** It's amazing to me how many boys I went through. Guess it goes to show that I just wanted to be loved and cared for. Tomorrow's posts will continue the story. See if I stay with Jack or how long I tolerate his boyishness. Who knows there could be a girl in the mix soon! ***

January 1996 - Boys, Transvestites, and Phone Calls

So here is the first official entry into the " Tales of a Goth" blog. I hope you enjoy reading the tidbits and craziness of the mind of a Goth Girl at the age of 16. The next few posts are mostly about boys and my love of them back then... I should've taken my own advice as you will read on .. ( Names have been changed to protect the innocent... but some who were not innocent were not changed)

January 10, 1996

Today I went to school as usual. The day went by pretty fast. All I really had on my mind was "Jack" & how much I missed him. I hope one day we can be together for good and get to see each other every day.
Practice for tall flags was a waste because no one had a radio. This year sucks! I hated it last year because " Gabby's" attitude but I hate to say it IT WAS BETTER LAST YEAR!
~ Toodles ~ R.C.

January 11, 1996

Today, we had a quit in Algebra II/ Trig . It was pretty easy. Umm Me and " Lizette" kind of ditched History class with " Mrs. Calvin" because we don't really do much in there anyhow. She's a B****. She got all pissed off at us for doing it and told the principal on " Mr. Peltier." I think we must have gotten him into trouble too! Oops! He's the raddest teacher ever. I'll find out what happened in their conference tomorrow. Hopefully nothing too bad.

Practice got canceled for tall flags because no one could stay after school. I think "Deb" got pissed but I can't help it. No one told me until last period.
~ Gotta Run ~ R.C.

January 14, 1996

I spent the night at " Debby's" Friday night and helped make up our competition routine, Saturday we went to the fabric store and Wal-Mart to get flag material. It's kewl lookin'!

Me and "Jack" aren't seeing eye to eye on things. I swear boys are stupid and I should just turn lesbian or something. That would be toooo easy. (This was about the time I became interested in girls as more than friends.)

Anyhow, he was going to play with "Dan's" band in Battle of the Bands but it was canceled so he stayed at "Dan's" house. Anyhow when we went to pick "Matt" up from there, " Jack " didn't say a word to me not even "hi" or "F*** off ." Strange!?! Well he was suppposed to come over on Saturday so Debby called Dan's house to find out where they were. (I didn't get a real response I guess ) This was Saturday & I haven't heard a word out of him since last week.
This just isn't working out. I'm done. D O N E !

January 16, 1996

Today I missed the bus and stayed home from school. After school, Debby came and picked me up to go to practice. "Tim" is getting the hang of it but "Jen" is a little slow. I still haven't heard a word from Jack. I have no idea whats going on with us. I hope we don't break up but if that's what we have to do then we've gotta do it. ( Truth was, I had my eye on someone else)
Deb and I successfully made our first flag. It's Metallic green with a metallic blue wave. The Girl's flags will be pink to replace the green. Well, I will hopefully hear from the asshole Jack once he recieves my ANGRY letter.
~TTYL~ R.C.

January 29, 1996
Jan 28- Super Bowl Dallas v. Pittsburgh - Dallas won :(
Last weekend Debby, my aunt and I went to the Movieland Wax Museum and to the Ripley's Believe it or not Museum. It was cool. Then, afterwards, we went to Fudruckers and we saw 2 Transvestites. It was interesting. I wonder why they like to do that stuff but whatever. ( Thus began my fascination with people and gender)

I'm really going to get rid of Jack if I ever get to talk to him. I figure he think's I am a waste of time anyways. I wish this wasn't the case because there are few nice guys like him (WTF was I thinking back then ? LOL) I'm certainly not going to be his "toy" or " call girl." F*** that mess. I need a man who will be there for me when I need him too.



*** Looking back on this I was only 16 and yet I kinda knew what I wanted in a guy already. Read tomorrow's blog to find out what happens next and who I meet or maybe even YOU are in my diary if you were in my life back then... you NEVER know! I promise it gets better as time progresses.. Tomorrow = Spring 1996... I can't wait to see what I did back then! Thanks for reading! ****************

PS: If you are going to read this and criticize it , don't bother! I mostly am doing it for myself but like to share with friends.

Purpose of my Blog

I have decided to write a blog as an archive of events that have happened in the past. I recent'y discovered my Diary from when I was about 14 until now that has been laying around for over 15 years and has some juicy tidbits of funny, sad, and relatable information inside I'd like to share with the world. Some of it is controversial and some is just plain Teenager inquisitiveness I think many of my "girlfriends" can attest to. I hope to get some positive feedback and help everyone enjoy the past ramblings and future of a Teenage Goth to a Present day Adult "Goth."
Enjoy and Welcome to my Life!